The right side of my skull only crackedThe
left side was slammed so hard against the Ram's
doorpost that it fractured in three placesOr
maybe it was fiveMy memory is better than it
7
used to be, but it's still a long way from what it
once was
The doctors called what happened to my head a
contracoup injury, and that kind of thing often
does more damage than the original hitMy right hip was shatteredAnd
although I retained seventy per cent of the sight
in my right eye (more, on a good day), I lost my
right arm
I was supposed to lose my life, but didn'tI was
supposed to be mentally impaired thanks to the
contracoup thing, and at first I was, but it
passedBy the time it did, my wife had
gone, and not just sort ofWe were married for
twenty-five years, but you know what they say:
shit happensI guess it doesn't matter; gone is
goneSometimes cartier tank louis cartier that's a good
thing
When I say I was mentally impaired, I mean that at
first I didn't know who people were - even my wife
- or what had happenedI couldn't understand why
I was in such painI can't remember the quality
of that pain now, four years laterI know that I
suffered it, and that it was excruciating, but
8
it's all pretty academicIt wasn't academic at
the timeAt the time it was like being in hell
and not knowing why you were there
At first you were afraid you'd die, then you were
afraid you wouldn'tThat's what Wireman says, and
he would have known; he had his own season in hell
Everything hurt all the timeI had a constant
ringing headache; behind my forehead it was always
midnight in the world's biggest clock-shop
Because my right eye was fucked up, I was seeing
the world through a film of blood, and I hardly
knew what the world mens gucci watches wasI
remember one day when Pam was in the room - I was
still in the hospital - and she was standing by my
bedI was extremely pissed that she should be
standing when there was a thing to sit on right
over in the cornhole
"Bring the friend," I said
"What do you mean, Edgar?" she asked
"The friend, the buddy!" I shouted"Bring over
the fucking pal, you dump bitch!" My head was
killing me and she was starting to cryI hated
her for thatShe had no business crying, because
she wasn't the one in the cage, looking at
9
everything through a red blurShe wasn't the
monkey in the cageAnd then it came to me"Bring
over the chum and sick down!" It was the closest
my rattled, fucked-up brain could come to chair
I was angry all the timeThere were two older
nurses that I called Dry Fuck One and Dry Fuck Two,
as if they were characters in a dirty DrThere was chanel white purse a candystriper I called Pilch
Lozenge - I have no idea why, but that nickname
also had some sort of sexual connotationWhen I grew stronger, I tried to hit
peopleTwice I tried to stab Pam, and on one of
those two occasions I succeeded, although only
with a plastic knifeShe still needed a couple of
stitches in her forearmThere were times when I
had to be tied down
Here is what I remember most clearly about that
part of my other life: a hot afternoon toward the
end of my month-long stay in an expensive
convalescent home, the expensive air conditioning
broken, tied down in my bed, a soap opera on the
television, a thousand midnight bells ringing in
my head, pain burning and stiffening my right side
like a poker, my missing right arm itching, my
10
missing right fingers twitching, no more Oxycontin
due for awhile (I don't know how long, chanel handbag 2.55 because
telling time is beyond me), and a nurse swims out
of the red, a creature coming to look at the
monkey in the cage, and the nurse says: "Are you
ready to visit with your wife?" And I say: "Only
if she brought a gun to shoot me with
You don't think that kind of pain will pass, but
it doesThen they ship you home and replace it
with the agony of physical rehabilitationThe red
began to drain from my visionA psychologist who
specialized in hypnotherapy showed me some neat
tricks for managing the phantom aches and itches
in my missing armIt was Kamen
who brought me Reba: one of the few things I took
with me when I limped out of my other life and
into the one I lived on Duma Key
"This is not approved psychological therapy for
anger management," DrKamen said, although I
suppose he might have been lying about that to
make Reba more gucci boston bag attractive

I
had little enjoyment there, but have less hereWe are not a lively
partyYou are very much wantedI miss you more than I can express
My mother desires her best love, and hopes to hear from you
soonShe talks of you almost every hour, and I am sorry to find
how many weeks more she is likely to be without youMy father
means to fetch you himself, but it will not be till after Easter, when
he has business in townYou are happy at Portsmouth, I hope, but
this must not be a yearly visitI want you at home, that I may have
your opinion about Thornton LaceyI have little heart for extensive
improvements till I know that it will ever have a mistressI think I
shall certainly writeIt is quite settled that the Grants go to Bath;
they leave Mansfield on MondayI am not comfortable
enough to be fit for anybody; but your aunt seems to feel out of
luck that such an article of Mansfield news should fall to my pen
instead of hersYours ever, my dearest Fanny
?I never will, no, I certainly never will wish for a letter again,? was
Fanny?s secret declaration as she finished this?What do they bring
but disappointment and louis vuitton travel bags sorrow? Not till after Easter! How shall I
bear it? And my poor aunt talking of me every hour!?
Fanny checked the tendency of these thoughts as well as she could,
but she was within half a minute of starting the idea that Sir Thomas
was quite unkind, both to her aunt and to herselfAs for the
main subject of the letter, there was nothing in that to soothe irritation
She was almost vexed into displeasure and anger against
Edmund?There is no good in this delay,? said she?Why is not it
settled? He is blinded, and nothing will open his eyes; nothing can,
after having had truths before him so long in vainHe will marry
her, and be poor and miserableGod grant that her influence do not
make him cease to be respectable!? She looked over the letter again
??So very fond of me!? ?tis nonsense allShe loves nobody but herself
372
Mansfield Park
and her brotherHer friends leading her astray for years! She is quite
as likely to have led them astrayThey have all, perhaps, been corrupting
one another; but if they are so much fonder of her than she
is of them, she is the less likely to have been hurt, except by chanel jumbo bag their
flattery?The only woman in the world whom he could ever think
of as a wifeIt is an attachment to govern his
whole lifeAccepted or refused, his heart is wedded to her for ever
?The loss of Mary I must consider as comprehending the loss of
Crawford and Fanny Edmund, you do not know meThe families
would never be connected if you did not connect them! Oh! write,
writeLet there be an end of this suspenseFix,
commit, condemn yourself
Such sensations, however, were too near akin to resentment to be
long guiding Fanny?s soliloquiesShe was soon more softened and
sorrowfulHis warm regard, his kind expressions, his confidential
treatment, touched her stronglyHe was only too good to everybody
It was a letter, in short, which she would not but have had for
the world, and which could never be valued enoughThis was the
end of it
Everybody at all addicted to letter-writing, without having much
to say, which will include a large proportion of the female world at
least, must feel with Lady Bertram that she was out of luck in having
such a capital piece of Mansfield news as the certainty of the
Grants going to Bath, occur quilted chanel purse at a time when she could make no
advantage of it, and will admit that it must have been very mortifying
to her to see it fall to the share of her thankless son, and treated
as concisely as possible at the end of a long letter, instead of having
it to spread over the largest part of a page of her ownFor though
Lady Bertram rather shone in the epistolary line, having early in her
marriage, from the want of other employment, and the circumstance
of Sir Thomas?s being in Parliament, got into the way of
making and keeping correspondents, and formed for herself a very
creditable, common-place, amplifying style, so that a very little matter
was enough for her: she could not do entirely without any; she must
have something to write about, even to her niece; and being so soon
to lose all the benefit of DrGrant?s gouty symptoms and MrsGrant?s
morning calls, it was very hard upon her to be deprived of one of
373
Jane Austen
the last epistolary uses she could put them to
There was a rich amends, however, preparing for herLady
Bertram?s hour of good luck cameWithin a few days from the receipt
of Edmund?s cartier pasha watch letter, Fanny had one from her aunt, beginning
thus?
?My Dear Fanny,?I take up my pen to communicate some very
alarming intelligence, which I make no doubt will give you much
concern?
This was a great deal better than to have to take up the pen to
acquaint her with all the particulars of the Grants? intended journey,
for the present intelligence was of a nature to promise occupation
for the pen for many days to come, being no less than the
dangerous illness of her eldest son, of which they had received notice
by express a few hours before
Tom had gone from London with a party of young men to
Newmarket, where a neglected fall and a good deal of drinking had
brought on a fever; and when the party broke up, being unable to
move, had been left by himself at the house of one of these young
men to the comforts of sickness and solitude, and the attendance
only of servantsInstead of being soon well enough to follow his
friends, as he had then hoped, his disorder increased considerably,
and it was not long before he thought so ill of himself as to be as
ready as his physician to have a letter despatched to see by chloe bag Mansf

"What about your arm? Are you still having phantom
sensations?"
"Nope," I lied, "that's pretty well stoppedThen: "Eddie?"
"Still here," I saidAnd with dark red half-moons
in the palms of my hands, from clenching my fists
There was a long pauseThe phone lines no longer
hiss and crackle as they did when I was a kid, but
I could hear all the miles sighing gently between
usIt sounded like the Gulf when the tide is out
Then she said, "I'm sorry things turned out this
way
122
"I am, too," I said, and when she hung up, I
picked up one of my bigger shells and came very
close to heaving it through the screen of the TV
Instead, I limped across the room, new omega watches opened the door,
and chucked it across the deserted roadI didn't
hate Pam - not really - but I seemed to still hate
somethingMaybe that other life
vii
ifsogirl88 to EFree19
9:05 AM
December 23
Dear Daddy, The docs aren't saying a lot but I'm
not getting a real good vibe about Grampy's
surgeryOf course that might only be Mom, she
goes in to visit Grampa every day, takes Nana and
tries to stay "upbeat" but you know how she is,
not the silver lining typeI want to come down
there and see youI checked the flights and can
get one to Sarasota on the 26thIt gets in at
123
6:15 PM your timeI could stay 2 or 3 days
Please say yes! Also I could bring my cheap chanel purses prezzies
instead of mailing themI have some special news
Did I think about it, or only consult the ticking
of instinct? I can't rememberMaybe it was
neitherMaybe the only thing that mattered was
that I wanted to see herIn any case, I replied
almost at once
EFree19 to ifsogirl88
9:17 AM
December 23
Ilse: Come ahead! Finalize your arrangements and
I'll meet you with Jack Cantori, who happens to be
my own Christmas ElfI hope you will like my
house, which I call Big PinkOne thing:
do not do this w/o your mother's knowledge

"Kitchen," said Scarlett, "she loves the kitchen She raced through the corridor again, Rhett at her
heels
Through the sitting room with the menu books, account books, the list
she'd been making of friends to invite to the weddingThrough the
door onto the gallery to MrsScarlett stopped in
the centerShe leaned across the balustrade"Kitty Cat," she called
softly, "please answer Momma if you're down thereIt's important,
sweetheart She kept her voice calmOrange light flickered in the
copper pans on the borse fendi wall beside the stoveRed coals glowed on the
hearthThe enormous room was still, filled with shadowsScarlett
strained her ears and her eyesShe was just about to turn away when
the very small voice spoke Oh, thank God!
Scarlett rejoiced"I know, baby, that was an
awfully loud noiseI'll come around and down
Will you wait for me?" She spoke as casually as if there was nothing
to be afraid ofThe balustrade vibrated under her clenched handsRhett followed her quietly along the
gallery and through the doorShe chanel top closed it carefully behind them
Then she began to shakeI was afraid they'd
taken her away
"Scarlett, look," said Rhett The open windows above the drive framed a distant
cluster of lights, torches, moving towards the house
"Run!" said ScarlettShe saw Rhett's face in the orange light of the
fire-filled sky, capable and strongNow she could look at him, lean
on himhe put his hand beneath her arm, supporting
her
even as he hurried herDown the stairs they ran and through the
ballroomThe firelit heroes of chanel earrings Tara were life-like above their
heads
The colonnade to the kitchen wing was glaringly bright, and they could
hear a blurred roaring of far-off angry shoutsScarlett slammed the
kitchen door behind them"help me bolt it," she gaspedRhett took
the iron bar from her, dropped it into its slots"What is your name?"
said CatShe walked out from the shadows near the hearth
There was a frog in his throat"You two can make friends later," said
Scarlett"We've got to get to the stablesThere's a door to the
kitchen louis vuitton jewelry garden, it's got high walls, though, I don't know if there's
another door out of itDo you know, Cat?"
"Are we running away?"
"Yes, Kitty Cat, the people who made the awful noise want hurt us
"Do they have stones?"
"Very big ones Rhett found the door to the kitchen garden, looked
out"I lift you onto my shoulders, Scarlett, then you can reach the
top the wallI'll hand Cat up to you
"Fine, but maybe there's a doorCat, we have to hurry nowthere a
door in the wall?"
"YesGive Momma your hand, and let's chanel devil wears prada necklace g

It must be bloody hell at the other end
Cummings was listening to the dull muted tones of the explosion, miles away in the jungleHe saw in his mind the bright destroying bouquet of flame, the screams and the rent iron singing through the airI wonder if it killed anyone? he thoughtHe realized the tenseness with which he had been waiting for the shell to land by the weak absorptive relief that washed through his bodyAll his senses felt gratified, exhaustedThe war, or rather, war, was odd, he told himself a little inanelyBut he knew what it meantIt was all covered with tedium and routine, regulations and procedure, and yet there was a naked quivering heart to it which involved you deeply when you were thrust into itAll the deep dark urges of man, the sacrifices on the hilltop, and the churning lusts of the night and sleep, weren't all of them contained in the shattering screaming burst of a shell, the man-made thunder and light? He did not think these things coherently, but traces of them, their emotional equivalents, pictures and sensations, moved him into a state of acute mulberry bags sensitivityHe felt cleaned in an acid bath, and all of him, even his fingertips, was prepared to grasp the knowledge behind all thisHe dwelt pleasurably in many-webbed layers of complexityThe troops out in the jungle were disposed from the patterns in his mind, and yet at this moment he was living on many levels at once; in firing the gun he was a part of himselfAll the roaring complex of odors and sounds and sights, multiplied and re-multiplied by all the guns of the division, was contained in a few cells of his head, the faintest crease of his brainAll of it, all the violence, the dark co-ordination had sprung from his mindIn the night, at that moment, he felt such power that it was beyond joy; he was calm and sober

Later, returning to his headquarters in the jeep, he was in an excellent moodHis body was still keyed, still the least bit feverish, but the excitement it caused him went beyond restlessness, and charged his brain to intense activityYet it was random casual thought; he amused himself the way a child would sport in a toy store if given complete freedom to touch knock off tiffany jewelry everything and cast it away when tiredCummings was not unconscious of the processAny new physical action always aroused him, infused his perceptions
When he reached his tent, he looked cursorily at the few dispatches that had collected in his absenceHe had no taste at this moment for going through them, for performing the detailed labors of digesting and committing to memory the important portionsFor an instant he stepped outside his tent and breathed the night air againThe bivouac had become silent, almost ghostly, and the moonlight illumined the mists in the clearing, covered the foliage with a tenuous silver nettingIn his mood everything familiar seemed unrealHow alien the earth is at night, he sighed
In the tent, he hesitated a moment, and then unlocked a small green filing cabinet on the side of his desk, removing from it a heavy notebook bound in black like a law ledgerIt was a journal in which he had jotted down his private ideas for many yearsThere had been a time when he had told them to Margaret, but after the first year or two of their marriage, when they had gucci bag black turned away from each other, the importance of the journal had increased, and in the years that had followed he had filled many ledgers, sealed them, and stored them away
Yet when he wrote in it, the journal always had a touch of the clandestine as though he were a boy locking himself with guilty anticipation in the bathroomOn a higher level, many of his feelings were the same -- almost unconsciously he would prepare an excuse in case he was discovered"If you'll wait a moment, Major [or Colonel or Lieutenant], I'm just jotting some memorandum
Now he turned to the first blank page in his journal, held his pencil, and thought for a moment or twoAny number of new ideas and impressions had evolved on the trip back from the battery, and he waited, knowing his mind would produce them againOnce more he experienced the smooth ovoid surface of the lanyard handleLike holding the beast at the end of a string, he thought
The image set off a round of ideasHe inscribed the date at the head of the page, rolled his pencil once between his fingertips, and began to write

It's a not chanel jewelry entirely unproductive conceit to consider weapons as being something more than machines, as having personalities, perhaps, likenesses to the humanThe artillery tonight started it all in my mind, but how much it is like a generative process except that its end is so different

The imagery was a little unfamiliar to him; he noted the sexual symbols with some distaste, thought of DiVecchio

The howitzer like a queen bee I suppose being nurtured by the common dronesThe phallus-shell that rides through a shining vagina of steel, soars through the sky, and then ignites into the earthThe earth as the poet's image of womb-mother, I suppose
Even the language for artillery commands, the obviously coarse connotationsPerhaps it satisfies an unconscious satisfaction in us serving the Death-MotherSpread trails, level your bubbles, lay the pieceI recall that training class I inspected, the amusement of the trainees at that terminology, and the junior officer saying, "If you can't put the shell in that big hole, I don't know what you'll do when you get older Perhaps it's a notion worth omega ladies watch analyzin